Promises Today

Email to all:

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update for you all. I’ve been a bit quiet recently but that’s because I’ve been so busy! :o) I’m feeling at about 95% of my usual, non-chemo self! I have been up at school, dropping the kids and doing a little bit of work too. I’ve been spending as much energy and time on the boys as I can, which has been great, but tiring too! I find that doing normal things tire me out a lot quicker than they used to.

The great news is that I’m at day 16 of chemo and no hair loss yet! Woohoo! I spoke to Richard Paxman the other day, who’s father invented the cold cap machine I am using to try and prevent hairloss. They developed it after Richard’s mum went through chemo and lost her hair. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart! I didn’t realise how strong the emotion would be in regards to losing my hair. Seems silly, but I’m kinda attached to my hair…. 😉

The next chemo session (number 2) is Thursday this week. 1st April… In 2005, April 1st, I was being wheeled into theatre for my first cancerous tumour to be removed from my neck. It just seems funny (April Fool joke perhaps?) that it’s the same date, just 5 years down the line. I was kinda hoping that it would be a celebration, 5 years cancer free. Oh well…

I am trying not to fear Thursday and the treatment, but I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. Please would you pray for peace and also that I would not feel as sick and tired as I did last time. I am hoping for a better reaction to the chemo this time around. I feel much more prepared as the last time I was still recovering from surgery. Perhaps it was too early to start, but hey, nothing I can do about that now.

Physically I am doing really well. I can drive again, which has been liberating! Those who know me well will understand why not being able to drive was so jolly frustrating. 🙂 The scar is healing really well and my arm is not as sensitive as it was. It is still numb and sometimes still sensitive to touch, but it’s improving a lot. I don’t have full movement back in my arm yet, but again, that’s improving day by day. I have to be very careful about picking up things. I attempted to pick Josh up yesterday and it hurt so badly! Silly girl…

I went to church for the first time in over a month today. I nearly didn’t, I nearly stayed in bed to catch up on the hour lost, but I felt a push to go. I am so glad I did. I love the way God maneuvers people to the right place at the right time so they can hear something crucial to them. I believe that God did that this morning with me. :o) Thanks Jono!

I’d like to ask something of you. If you go to http://www.invadetheairwaves.org.uk/ it will explain how and why. All you need to do is download 2 tracks, the live version and studio version of History Maker by Delirious?. This is what happened at Christmas with the UK chart number 1. Enough people downloaded “Killing in the name” by Rage against the machine and it was named Christmas number 1!! Imagine a Christian song being played all over the radio waves at Easter?

I hope you are all well.
God bless,
Hayley
<><

Another song that “hit home”.

The Motions – Matthew West

Shared this on Facebook back on the 21st March. This is one of the worship songs that has really given me strength. I cry even now when I hear it!

Email to all:

Hi everyone,

Wow, what a slump that was! Yuck! It’s now been 7 days since my first chemo and now I’m finally up and about a bit. It’s been a struggle to sleep this week, but now I’m finally catching up. Mum came over this morning, encouraged me to get up off the sofa and take a trip out. I am so glad I did! We went wig shopping! Joy of all joys!

It was interesting to see all the different styles and colours available. I was holding it all together until they put one on me that was very similar to my old, usual-self hairstyle, at which point I broke down in tears. It’s amazing that hair can be such an emotional thing! I wasn’t expecting it to be honest. I’m a tough cookie, I can handle losing my hair….right? Hmmmm…. well, it wasn’t so easy to face that fact today. I have found a nice one but I won’t go and buy it until I actually start losing my hair. I will be using the cold cap the whole way through the chemo sessions, which can help, but you never know. Please pray that I don’t lose my hair….

On the way home I heard this song:

I was sure by now God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
that it’s still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain,
I’m with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And i’ll praise you in this storm
and i will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can’t find you
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I’m with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

God bless you, whatever your situation.
Much love,
Hayley
<><

A few Facebook updates:

Hayley Geurts slept well and feels stronger today.
19 March at 12:21

Hayley Geurts just had her first outing for a long while. Feel like a person again! Thanks Mum!!
19 March at 17:21

Hayley Geurts has had a crackin good day! Time with Mum, feeling more human, time with hubby, Lost becoming more weird by the minute, Thai curry, wigs, chocolate, huggles with my best boys and email messages from fab friends from around the world. God is so good!
20 March at 00:13

Hayley Geurts is up early with the boys so my marvellous hubby can have a lay in. Slept well except for one majorly bizarre dream that woke me up. Thanks for your continuing support in love and prayer.
20 March at 09:33

Hayley Geurts had Nandos for lunch with the 3 best blokes in the whole wide world!
20 March at 15:17

Hayley Geurts didn’t sleep very well last night. :o( Won’t be going to church but hoping to catch a mid morning nap so can go out for lunch.
21 March at 11:01

Hayley Geurts had a mid-morning sleep, so felt well enough to go for a pub lunch in the countryside (sat outside in the sunshine but next time – Grace Read – take a jacket!! ) then popped into a garden centre for some firewood and a hanging basket then Sainsbury’s for some yummy food!
21 March at 18:57

To tell this story I will leave it to the Facebook updates and emails:

Hayley Geurts is nervous about her first chemo session but is glad her mum is coming along. God will be with too…
12 March at 00:47

Hayley Geurts slept for only 5 hours last night. Blah! Nervousness and pain, not a good mix.
12 March at 08:49

Hayley Geurts is still waiting to start the chemo! Silly nurses forgot to let the right people know that I was here and they weren’t ready!! Arrrrgggg!
12 March at 13:57

Hayley Geurts is now wearing a silly freezing cap to try and preserve her hair. It’s giving me a jolly headache! Everything is ready and about to start the chemo, as long as my blood test results come back ok. Sigh…
12 March at 15:00

Hayley Geurts is through the first treatment. Just relaxing in front of hospital telly to make sure I’m ok then time to go home. Couple of side effects showing but nothing major yet.
12 March at 18:30

Hayley Geurts is finally on her way home after a tiring day. Please pray for good sleep tonight.
12 March at 20:10

Hayley Geurts had a horrible night. Woke up at 1am with a scary cold sweat, feeling like her body was in toxic shock or something. Nauseous, dizzy and disorientated. Chemo SUCKS!!
13 March at 07:49

Hayley Geurts feels slightly better but still nauseous. Energy please?
13 March at 13:15

Email to all:

Short update. Chemo number 1 – done and dusted. Now at home feeling very dizzy and nauseous. This is likely also fueled by lack of sleep last night. Going to bed now. Please pray for sleep and minimal side effects.

Lots of love.
H
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Email to all a couple of days later:

Hi everyone,

Well, I am finally feeling a little more like Hayley again rather than a toxic-filled shell of a person. I came back from chemo on Friday night (thanks for sticking with me through a looooong day mummy!) and went straight to bed at 10-ish. I was then awake quite suddenly at about 1am with a cold sweat and what I can only describe as toxic shock! It was horrid. I slept bits and pieces that night but not very soundly at all.

Saturday was a bit of a strange day as I was feeling sick to my stomach and couldn’t really eat very much at all. (all good for losing those extra pounds put on by my Nan’s amazing cakes the week before!!) I had a myriad of drugs to take for sickness and later in the day I had an immunity booster injection at hospital, to help my white blood cells continue throughout this cycle of chemo. I think that may have been the culprit for another sleepless night last night.

This morning I was still feeling rather weak but I still can’t seem to get sleep, even napping! I think it must be the steroids for anti-sickness. The nausea has mostly gone now but still feeling very weak and wibbly.

Things to pray for:

That I get up on my feet and feeling a little more normal soon!
For my arm – the hypersensitivity is still making it sore and achy, it is getting better, so praise to God for that!
For Djerk, he’s so tired, poor thing (we’ve had to resort to sleeping in separate beds so he can actually get some sleep!)
The kids – they are both being very good with me (showered me with Mother’s Day gifts this morning) but they are both very sensitive and are feeling the pressure.

I still thank and praise God for the blessings in my life, although times are hard right now. He’s given me the most incredible husband, Djerk. (I couldn’t do this without you my love.) I have 2 beautiful boys who are taking this whole process very well so far! I have a wonderful family who have been supportive the whole way through. And friends, old and new, who without your prayers and support I don’t know where we’d be! Thank you just doesn’t cut it!

I want to share a Youtube vid with you. Some may have heard it. It’s simply fab!
Even more encouragement!

Love you all very much.
Speak soon.
Hayley
<><

This is how fast it happened! I received my pathology results on the 8th March and on the 12th March was my first chemo session!! I had some stuff to do beforehand though. The biggest for me, and for any woman I guess, was the issue of hair. I know that the general image people perceive of cancer patients going through chemo was bald and sickly looking. So, this is what I prepared myself for. The type of chemo I was getting was called FEC. (Perfect as it sounds like an Irish swear word!) Heehee! That tickled me at the time! The FEC treatment was likely to include hairloss. I had the option of trying out a cold cap to help reduce the hairloss. I was going to give it try. I had long-ish blonde hair at the time and the last thing I needed was to watch that fall out! So, I decided to prepare myself. I started to look at shorter styles. I had never had short hair before!

Hayley Geurts is not asleep but online looking for short, cropped hairstyles. Any ideas? Having haircut on Thursday to prepare for chemo. Don’t freak out when you next see me… ;o)
10 March at 00:26

Hayley Geurts is getting nervous about her new hairdo tomorrow….
10 March at 22:55

Before picture, taken in Australia with my GORGEOUS cousin Taryn.

After haircut

I look very much like my faaaaaabulous friend Sharon Mackay! Feeling goooood!

I then had to have a port inserted. This was a small device put into my chest, which was linked to one of my main arteries by a small tube. It meant that I didn’t have the drugs going through my arms. The chemo drugs are such that they can burn the veins and completely ruin them. Yuck! It hurt when they put it in, but it was a benefit to have it!

Email to all:

Hi everyone,

Wow, I have been overloaded with information about what is to come next. I’m going to outline it as simply as I can to give you a bit of an idea what is to come (and what you can specifically pray for)

Today I went to Bishops Wood Hospital (Middlesex) to have a “port” inserted. (ouchy!) This is a direct line into my veins so that future blood tests and drips inserted will be much easier and less painful.

Tomorrow morning I will be having a radical haircut, in preparation for the chemo side-effects. Then in the afternoon I start physiotherapy for my arm and shoulder, to try and recover as fast as possible from the surgery.

Friday I will have the stitches removed at Pinehill in the morning and then at midday I will be going to Bishops Wood again for the first round of chemo.

The chemo will be FEC (standard apparently) and will be a course of 6 treatments every 3 weeks, so even with my bad mathematics this means 18 weeks worth. This takes me to the beginning of July.

I hope this then gives me time to gather up some energy for the Race for Life on the 11th July (sponsorship can be done at:http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/maizymoo) and our big birthday/anniversary bash on the 17th July! I hope you will all be there (7:30pm The Broadway Hotel in Letchworth). I will be sending out invitations shortly, but if you are on this list you are considered as guests of honour! You are sharing this journey with me and I am so overwhelmed by the love and support you are all showing in one way or another. It may not be a huge spread of food but there will be a bar available and we have an amazing DJ who’ll be keeping us all on the dancefloor! It would be amazing to see you there!

After that I am hoping to ask for a bit of time off before radio therapy starts (July and August) but not sure if I’ll get it… I want to be up on my feet dancing for joy at Together@Shuttleworth in August!

Again, I can’t thank you all enough for your support. Plus, if you feel that these emails are a little too detailed for you then please just ask me to take you off the list, I won’t be offended at all!

Please pray for the numbness in my arm as it is still quite painful and also the new port in my chest, it feels horrible. Please pray that the bruising and swelling go down soon.

Lots of love and hugs,
Hayley
<><

Ok, now I’m crying again whilst writing this. Man, I’m not going to get this finished if I keep blubbing all the time! LOL

So, I woke up on the 8th March feeling ok, but nervous about the results appointment the next day. Then the hospital called to move my appointment up to the evening of the 8th!! What??? I panicked of course, thinking it was like the last time. Bad news!

Email to all:

Hi everyone,

I woke up this morning to a call from the hospital, asking me to come earlier for my oncologist appointment (tonight at 6:15pm) I left a message with the Macmillan nurse, as I was really concerned as to why…

I just had a call from her.  She had the pathology report in front of her and everything is good! The tumour removed had good, clean margains and the lymph nodes were all clear of cancer! No spreading! Thank GOD!!

I will still need to endure chemo and radio treatment, but that’s due to me being so young. Wow! I’m in shock and telling the world through my tears! I have a tough time ahead of me, but knowing that it is gone is so incredible! :o)

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me.

Lots of love,
Hayley
<><

The relief in me and the people around me was immense!

Hayley Geurts is glad the waiting is over. The cancer is gone from my body! Bit more healing to do then the treatments start.
08 March at 21:08

The week after my surgery, before the results appointment on the 9th March, I was very much up and down. Sometimes I was on top of the world, having some great chats with people via email and Facebook. I was sleeping well, then sleeping badly. I was in a lot of pain and everything was just so darn complicated! However, my faith was being built up by friends’ emails. If you are one of those people and you are now reading this, THANK YOU!!! I wouldn’t have faired so well without the motivating and encouraging emails from all over the world. Here’s a few things that happened that week:

Email to all:

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update on what’s going on. Yesterday I saw my consultant and he is very happy that the infection is under control, so no need to go to hospital again unless I feel the need to have one of the nurses have a look. My next appointment with him is Tuesday 9th March for my results.

I was feeling quite good yesterday, a lot more mobile and comfortable. However last night was simply horrible. I slept for the first part of the night, til about 2am but after that I had a battle. The reason was not pain from the wound but from my arm!  Since the operation my upper right arm has been numb and a few days ago the feeling has started to return. It’s a similar feeling to pins and needles after sitting on your foot for a while. Everytime I brush it against something it sends a pins and needlesy feeling through me. Well, last night that was keeping me awake. I took all the painkillers I had available to me last night but still no joy. I even tried to lay on my side (which hasn’t really been possible since the op) and I fell asleep clutching a pillow. However I woke up half an hour later with severe cramp in my hands. Sigh….

Please pray that this horrid sensation goes away. The consultant did say that this was a temporary thing from the surgery, but I can’t stand it much longer.

My parents, sis and bro-in-law (plus one gorgeous little nephew) are coming over today and I can’t wait to see them. Also have an evening of Colour and Beauty tonight with my church. I’m really looking forward to going, but I need some rest first or I won’t have enough energy to go. Please continue to pray, I truly believe in the power of prayer.

More encouragement!
I still feel the Father’s love, even through tough times and sleepless nights. I hope you feel it too…

Love,
Hayley
<><

Some Facebook stuff from that week:

Hayley Geurts just watched “Becoming Jane” with her nan and cried! Sniff…
03 March at 22:47

Hayley Geurts is feeling a lot better today!
04 March at 19:47

Hayley Geurts had a terrible night… :o(
05 March at 09:34

Hayley Geurts is looking forward to tonight but is concerned that she might be overdoing it a tad…
05 March at 17:05

Hayley Geurts is having a very lazy day with only hubby, pizza, roaring fire and Sky+
06 March at 14:35

Hayley Geurts just lost at Wii Monopoly and is NOT a happy bunny… (too much like my father!)
06 March at 20:01

Hayley Geurts thought she slept well but woke up tired…
07 March at 11:03

Hayley Geurts is lonely.
07 March at 13:10

Hayley Geurts is glad that her boys had such a lovely time today. Thanks to Gerke and Maxine (and Ellie too) for the party. Sorry I couldn’t be there.
07 March at 22:26

Hayley Geurts has had enough now. Life back to some kind of normal please???
08 March at 01:03

Hayley Geurts slept better last night, still very tense but at least feeling more refreshed.
08 March at 08:47

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster! Well, it was about to get a LOT more emotional!

I had to go back to the hospital a couple of times:

March 2nd

Hi everyone,

There was me thinking that things were going so well! Enjoying being home although been in a lot of pain since I got back. This afternoon I called the hospital as I was concerned. I was asked to come into Pinehill again (was seen within a few minutes of arriving – woo!) The consultant had a look and prescribed antibiotics as I have an infection! That’s why I’ve been in more pain that I thought! Grrr….

My Nan is here now for a few days, so I’m in very good hands.

Djerk’s employers are also being very supportive and he’s allowed quite a bit of time off without any financial implications!

God bless,
H
<><

And again…

March 3rd

Hello again,

Well, things aren’t improving. I went into hospital this morning as an outpatient to check everything but the infection is getting worse. They are now suggesting that I go back into hospital to stay for a couple of days so that they can IV an antibiotic, which will nip it in the bud quicker than oral antibiotics would.

So, I’m off at 1pm to Pinehill again!

Please continue with prayers and happy thoughts!

God bless,
Hayley
<><

In true Hayley style I was on Facebook the WHOLE time! Haha!

Hayley Geurts is really annoyed. Went back to the hospital in lots of pain today and now on antibiotics! Grrrr…
02 March at 15:18

Hayley Geurts has to go back into hospital for IV antibiotics. Please continue to pray that this will be over soon! :o)
03 March at 12:21

Hayley Geurts has nothing better to do for the next hour than lie on a hospital bed with a drip attached. For those who know me you will understand how jolly frustrating that is…
03 March at 15:17

Hayley Geurts With every breath, with every thought
 From what is seen, to the deepest part 
I offer all that I’ve come to be
 To know Your love fathering me

 Father, You’re all I need 
My soul’s sufficiency
 My Strength when I am weak 
The love that carries me
 Your arms enfold me
 Till I am only, a child of God

 With every step on this journey’s walk
 And wisdom’s songs that the soul has sought 
I give myself unreservedly
 To know Your love fathering me
03 March at 16:08

Hayley Geurts is leaving hospital, praising God along the way!! The doc came to check on me before he left and the infection had calmed right down, enough so that my stay in hospital has come down from 2 days to 6 hours!! Haha! I’ve been sent home. Thank you for all your prayers!
03 March at 18:49

From the 1st March from when I came home to the 9th March I had to wait to hear what the news was on the cancerous tumour. Was there a clear margain? Had it spread? What was next?? I was overwhelmed by fear. BUT, God was there and he sent friends and family my way to remind me of who I am. It was all going to be ok, right?

Hayley Geurts had a tough night, but woke to sunshine and birds singing. Looking forward to her Nan (Doreen Phillips) coming today to stay over and help out. Love you Nanny!!!
02 March at 07:58